Know thy fear...

Read it somewhere....there are three types of fear for which you can not be trained no matter how hard one tries...I mean how to counter them can not be taught...

....... the startle reaction upon hearing an unexpected noise
....... Vertigo
....... Rapid and direct approach of a known killer...

Don't know whether its true...but its good to know that sometimes its ok to be afraid....:)

Short sighted by default?....

So I was thinking....suppose we are given a task of writing something...
and we are given a pen and say 10 pages ...we have been told thats all you will get as the material for writing...what do we do normally?

We will use the paper in such a way that it will last us as long as possible...we will try to scribble on paper with smaller and smaller letters with minimum gaps in between....we will not leave margins...we will not let go even a centimeter of space waste....and will constantly worry about running out of paper....but how come we never think of running out of pen? Do we take pen for granted here? :) Or do we think controlling paper is in our hands...controlling pen is out of our reach? :)

Are we trained by default to concentrate on the problem that is tangible?

A beetle maybe....

Found this tiny fellow on the stairs...and it let me click the snap without any trouble...

A story...

Once upon a time there was a village....there lived a poor woman with her husband...
they had no children....the couple had appealed to every God on the earth.. and were thoroughly disappointed with themselves and their life in general....

One day the woman, depressed as usual, decided to end her life for good...and without telling her husband where she is going set out from the home....crying and cursing the God on her way....

she met an old man on the road...who was sitting outside the temple...after completing his daily rituals of 'worship' in the temple.....he was keenly watching her...he asked her

''why are you so upset with God....you know...cursing him for all the things gone wrong is not the right way''

The woman, already in a state of depression started crying even more....

''Don't talk to me about goodness of God...I don't believe him now...I am one poor woman...
and all we wanted was a child to complete us...but even after our sincere prayers all these years...he has never looked after our requests...Whats the use of prayers and things...I have been doing that for years now....I have enough of it now...I have decided to end my life....''

The old man became sad...and tried to comfort the woman...

''No my child...that certainly can not be true....Surely God always listens to wishes of those who are his regular servants...please don't be disheartened....I will pray for you now...I am a devoted servant of God...and I have been worshiping him daily for years now...I am sure if I asked something from him...he will not say no......I will pray for you...''.

The woman was skeptical at first...but still decided to give it a try..

''ok...if you say so.....whats the harm If I wait for some days more..''.

Feeling somewhat hopeful...the woman waited outside the temple..

The old man entered the temple again and went straight back to God....and sure God appeared in front of him after a while...

''...my son, what is it that you want this time?''

''My lord...I met a woman outside the temple just now...she is very poor and she has no children...why didn't you answer her wish even after all these years? Please do a favor to her...''

''No my son....that is not possible..please tell her that I can not grant her this wish''

''But why my lord...surely you can do it...I have been your faithful devotee for long....please
don't disappoint me...I have given her my word''....

''No son...some things are destined and those can not be changed....to remain 'child-less' is her destiny...and destiny once written is not changed...please go back and tell her I am sorry''

The old man was disappointed and felt cheated.....dejected, he went outside...and conveyed the message of God to that woman....

''I am sorry...I asked God but God said you are not destined to have child...stop thinking and worrying about it...''.

The woman, with last ray of hope gone, crestfallen....is even more exasperated...and dejected...

''See...even God had declined me...now there is no other way...I will end my life....If God has said that you will not have children...there's no point even hoping for the miracle...''.

She again started walking .....on her way she met a beggar just next to the temple...he stopped her and asked for money...already disappointed...without thinking...she handed over all the money she had with her....

The beggar is surprised to say the least...and asked her...

''Who are you? and why are you crying?''

Listening to her story....the beggar said...

''I will also pray for you...please do not get discouraged..''....

The beggar with his repeated assurances managed to convince her for the time being...
and she went back home again...shelving her plans to end her life''....

After a few days....the woman indeed found out that she who was supposedly 'not destined to have a child' was expecting her first child...she was dumbfounded and exhilarated....thanking her stars...she set out immediately to find the beggar and express her gratitude....but even after searching at every possible location...the beggar was not to be seen anywhere....

On her way back...she met the same old man again.....he was dumbstruck to see the 'dejected suicidal' lady smiling all over again....and after hearing the news...he was even more astonished and could not believe his ears...

Once the woman disappeared from his sight...he started thinking about miracle....and ran towards God... feeling somewhat angry and anxious.....

"My lord...you had said...that woman was not destined to have a child...then how come she is expecting one now?'...

God smiles...and says...oh yes...i wasn't planning to grant her wish either....but yesterday a beggar came to me and asked for a favor....so I granted his wish...and changed the destiny of that woman...''

The old man is annoyed...

''My lord...this is so unfair....I have worshiped you for years together....I have visited your temple every day..and I have been your faithful and devoted servant all these years....but when I asked for the same favor...you declined it...and now this beggar...who I have never seen enter the temple....who has never worshiped you and who just sits outside and asks money from others...you chose to grant his wish...you chose him over me?...Is there no reward for my service to you all these years''

'God smiles ....

''ok..son...forget about it now....I might have erred there...but there's something I want you do for me...a favor? Can you do it for me? As you are my faithful and devoted servant...I am sure you will not disappoint me...''

Old man is somewhat excited now....

''yes..my lord...anything...anything for you...just tell me''

''...I wish to eat human flesh...even a chunk of it will do...can you arrange it for me if it is not too difficult?''...

''What? Human flesh''...

''Yes...son...why is it not possible?''

''No...no my lord...of course I can arrange...give me some time...I will not disappoint you....''

Out comes the old man wondering about the ways of God and his strange and unusual request.....and off he goes in search of human flesh...

He wandered here and there for many days...searching for human flesh......asking people all around....some drove him away...some labelled him crazy...some beat him...some outcast him from the community....but even after months he could not arrange for human flesh for God....

Dejected, disappointed and disgusted with himself...he comes back to temple....and meets the beggar outside the temple....

The beggar asks him...''why are you so sad?''.......

The old man was very much annoyed to see that beggar...but told him about God's strange request.....and his inability to fulfill it....

The beggar w/o thinking much cuts off some flesh from his hand and handed over the same to the old man...

''Take this to God...'m sure God will be very happy''....

Old man was in the high spirits again...and went back to God....
He was delighted with himself...that he, the faithful servant of God had indeed
fulfilled God's demand albeit a strange one...

''My lord...here is human flesh for you my lord....It took me some days...
but I have managed to arrange it....now do you consider me your best servant?''

God smiles yet again....knowingly....

''Where were you all these days...why did you take so many days...?''

''My lord...you had requested for something very difficult....I have tried my best
and finally managed to find a chunk of meat for you....after all to convince a human being
to give his flesh is not a mean task....''....

''Why my son...don't you consider yourself 'human'?''

The old man, realizing the futility of his efforts was ashamed....and was at loss of words....

A quote for the day....

When 'm asking someone to let me be 'myself'....'m also guaranteeing his/her rights to be himself/herself...now isn't it the best gift a person can offer to other??

Lost friends...

I love this poem....how well we can relate to it in the current 'busy' lives we all are leading....

First distance did us apart
We couldn't meet to share...
The untouched furniture gathers dust

Then busy lives left us with no time to call
We didn't have time to share...
Another layer of dust

Striving for a better future than everyone else
We didn't want to share...
Layers and layers of dust

By now you were a perfect stranger
We didn't know what to share...
You were buried under the dust of time

I tried digging you out of there
But you weren't the same anymore
I lost you in the dust of time

A quote for the day...

Monsieur Newton has said...'every action has an equal and opposite reaction'...and still its the poor 'reaction' that takes all the blame...and the action mostly goes unnoticed...

Man...thy name is 'selfish'....

Do we really fear death? I mean do we really fear our ‘own’ death or do we fear it in general sense? ok..wait..now dont start looking at me with a frown...i love to discuss death...i find it very interesting and amusing...something which is beyond our comprehension..something we will never understand fully...so death does fascinate me...and i am not a pessimist...(almost on the lines of my name is khan..and 'm not a terrorist:))... so i dont understand why the topic is such a taboo in the first place..just why cant we discuss 'death' openly like all the other topics in the sun?...the moment somebody whispers death...people start looking around for the culprit...

oh very well...where was I...yes...so what i think...(if it at all counts)…..all we fear about is 'death of others' around us…death of our near and dear ones to be precise…what if they left us mid-way…what will happen to us if they leave us…will it be difficult to live without them…it is almost never ‘what will happen to them’…..its almost always ‘what will happen to us minus them’…and that’s why we are afraid of death….always selfish..…the human beings…always so selfish..…its never about ‘others’…at the core...its always about 'us'...its always about 'me'...

Give your 'self' a chance...

Saee and her friends were running all over the parking…after scolding them to be quiet and stand at one place till the school van comes…but no avail…they just don’t listen….and even if they do…they forgot what they don’t want to remember in a flash…with minimum of efforts…. and maximum of irritation on our part….

We were wondering…how simple their lives are…..sure they have their share of problems….and worries….but they do well to always remain in the present….so even if we daily admonish them for running around when in our view they should be standing still right next to us (a downright unfair demand they say)….they forgot all of that and start running the moment they step out of the lift….the routine never changes… ….

Have you ever wondered why our childhood memories never cease to make us happy? Why they always bring a smile to our face…because those were the days defined solely by ‘present’….the past and the future tense weren’t their ubiquitous counterparts…..we had an open heart then…and we welcomed the good and the bad and the ugly enthusiastically with both the arms…friends were always friends…and enemies….yes…always the enemies…we had our priorities sorted out…we were blessed with ‘short-term’ and ‘selective’ memory…..and ‘tension’, ‘stress’ were something we learnt only as ‘English’ words….the life without ‘prejudices’…..the life which was truly a ‘present’….a gift…

though yes….these children do tend to get bored very fast…..like all the other things….they like all of it…’fast’….life must always move in the fast lane….and they have certainly better understanding of their surroundings….so at the age of five…my daughter has discovered ‘boredom’ already….and she also knows that ‘its very boring to get bored’ all the time….and they all are downright candid about it….they don’t try to run away, they don’t try to hide…they just declare ‘we are bored’….

Do we face the boredom in the same way? When we feel stagnant, and bored for no reason….well the boredom with the reason is a different case altogether…u had a better idea how to deal with it….but boredom sans reason is a harrowing experience…particularly when it visits you quite frequently….and doesn’t let you go like an unwanted guest….

But unlike children….we choose to ignore it…we try to act as if nothing has happened…we in general try to kill the boredom with the ‘indifference’….some of us try to do something different…try to change the routine….go for a vacation, arrange a get-together and things like that….but after a while…even that ‘change’ becomes the routine…and you start to feel ‘bored’ yet again…do you know why we are so hesitant to accept the fact that ‘we are bored’?....because admitting the same means…now you have to do something about it…and the human race in general is averse to moving out of their comfort zone…why act when a little bit of waiting will do the trick….’no change’ is our lifelong policy….

I know boredom can be a dual sword….it can be constructive or destructive….all depends how you choose to deal with it…. we must learn to make ‘boredom’ fashionable….and it will work wonders for you….but the moment we choose to deal with it as an intruder…..it will be hell bent to make our lives miserable….

I was thinking….are we scared of ‘nothing to do’ phase? Then when it happens…we try to fill whatever void we find in our life with a number of activities…we surround ourselves with people, we surround ourselves with activities….and in general turn a blind eye towards that ‘sinking boredom’ feeling…..but we refuse to accept this restlessness, we refuse to stop and think…we refuse to use the ‘pause’ button in our life…and do the next best thing on the list….’make yourself so busy that these thoughts do not find a way to enter your mind’….is that why we are scared of ‘old age’….i believe the death and the life after that has very little to do with it…we are scared of our life in the later stage ‘when we have nothing to do’….is that we are so afraid to be in our own company….movie…we need someone to accompany….shopping…we want someone to join….decision…we need an opinion….

.the emptiness scares us….its as if we are afraid to be with our own thoughts…lest it will throw up something new that we aren’t familiar with….its as if we are afraid to be with our own ‘self’…..we just aren’t ready to give ur own 'self’ a chance….give 'silence' a chance...

Chandrakor...

कालची गम्मत.....रात्र झाली की चांदोमामा कुठे आहे अशी शोधाशोध सुरु होते पण एकीकडे माझा हात घट्ट धरलेला असतो ...पण काल घरी परत येताना एकदम आकाशाकडे बोट दाखवून म्हणाली 'आई ते बघ चांदोमामा आपल्याकडे बघून हसतोय' ...पोरीला हा काय नवीन शोध लागला असे म्हणुन मी वरती बघितले तर चंद्रकोर होती...मला पूर्ण चंद्रा पेक्षा चंद्रकोरीचे जास्त आकर्षण आहे .....पण ती चंद्रकोर आपल्याकडे बघून हसत असते हे काही मला जाणवले नव्हते...लहान मुले किती निरागस पणे नकळत काहीतरी बोलून जातात...

Sahi Jawab....

परवा बरेच दिवसांनी जातिवंत पुणेकर असल्याची जाणीव झाली....आणि कसं मस्त वाटलं

वेळ दुपारी बारा वाजताची...'करिश्मा' च्या चौकात शांतपणे ग्रीन सिग्नल लागण्याची वाट पाहत उभी होते...

मागून आवाज आला ...'चला...पुढे चला'....मी तेवढ्याच शांतपणे सिग्नल कड़े बोट दाखवले...आणि दुर्लक्ष केले..

तरी nonstop horn चालूच...तरी मी जमेल एवढी सहनशीलता दाखवत पुन्हा दुर्लक्ष केले...honking काही केल्या बंद होईना...सिग्नल लागल्यावर जाता जाता remark आला.

.'काय...शिक्षण जास्त झालय का?'

महत्प्रयासाने गप्प बसलेला पुणेकर खडबडून जागा झाला....मी काय ही पुणेरी बाणा दाखवायची संधी सोड्तीय....

'माझे जास्त नाही...तुमचे कमी झालय.....'

आणि मग नंतरची ३० सेकंद या विजयाचा आस्वाद घेण्यात गेली......

Division of labour...

Read this somewhere....

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is meant for insects. "

And then remembered something i was thinking of a few days back....

Imagine two businessmen travelling in a train...they have taken this journey for the sole purpose of some business dealings...and here they are now debating and arguing and discussing the deal....and slowly but steadily they are arriving at the end of it...on the verge of cutting a suceessful business deal....Now the reason they can sucessfully discuss this deal in peace....and with full concentration...is 'cos somebody his doing his job properly...in this case...the driver of the train...so they dont have to worry about the intricacies of those things....

So isnt this division of labour good? isnt this specialization good?
Specialization is meant for those who can think...specialization is meant for human beings....

A quote for a day....

 There has to be a way to insure oneself against 'twilight' just like thefts, fires, accidents...

Thank god...'GOD' had other plans....

A quote for a day...

One should never change to the extent that the next time when he/she wakes up...the mirror asks for an introduction....

Eye opener...

Was sitting in the balcony…with eyes closed, as always deep in thought…and suddenly I heard a sound….first thing I did is to quickly open my eyes …almost as a reflex action…and then tried to listen to the sound…tried to find the source of it….isn’t that a bit irrational?.....a sound is necessarily a primary function of the ears…still what I did (I guess we all do) is to open the eyes first…and then rely on the ears?...guess we always tend to do that… Do the ‘sense of hearing’ feel the inferiority complex? Do all the other senses feel cheated at times? That we do not give enough due to them…for us human beings…our ‘visual capability’ …our ‘sense to see' is the predominant sense amongst all the senses….that’s what matters…we feel more secure when we can ‘see’ the things…that’s why even after hearing that sound…I chose to open the eyes first, get that sense of security back…get the sense back that…yes I know where I am…whats happening around me…that I can see…and then tried to find out where the sound is coming from…

And another thing came to my mind…amongst all the senses…visual sense is the only one which you can easily choose to reject voluntarily….i mean you can choose to open or close your eyes easily…but you can not choose ‘not to hear’…if there’s a sound …you will hear it …(you can of course decide not to ‘listen’ to it though J)…if there’s a smell…you will smell it…(no pinching your nose doesn’t shut off the smell entirely..so that does not count)…if there’s a touch…you will feel it….its that simple…is that why your visual capacity is more important to you than anything else…with that capability you feel confident, you feel secure…you feel ‘in control’….

Remembered two instances in the past…my sister studied in Dnyaprabodhini School…they used to carry out this experiment regularly in the school as a part of their school activity, the teachers use to randomly or sometimes voluntarily select some students, then they were blindfolded and they were asked to remain in that artificial ‘visually challenged’ state….for a certain period of time…all they have to do is to rely on their ‘other’ senses to move around….the experiment was meant to teach them the importance of the capability to ‘see the world’ and to make them aware of the plight of ‘visually impaired’ children…

The second instance was when I saw the movie ‘Ninja Assassin’ a few days back…A handful of children were trained to become potential assassins in the movie….as a part of their education…some ‘chosen’ students were asked to spend one year of their education..blindfolded….so they had to reply on their other senses for survival…for a period of a year…to prepare them ahead of their hardest life as an ‘Assassin’…

I have always wondered…what is more difficult….the people who r blind since their birth or the people who lose their visual ability due to illness, accidents or such things…at some later stage of their life…is it harder for them ‘cos they knew what they r missing …but of course I don’t want to take away the pain of ‘not knowing at all’…that must be terrible too…

There’s apt phrase in English….when we comprehend something…when we understand something in conversation….what phrase we use often…no not ‘I understand’…we say ‘I see’…that’s what matters…

Living & Non-living...

 Saee : Is mango a living thing?
Me: No
Saee: Why?
Me: Does it move? Does it talk like you?
Saee: No
Me: Does it eat or drink like you?
Saee: No
Me: Thats why it is a non-living thing
Saee: Then why the mango tree is a living thing...if we get mangoes from the same tree?

Thats the end of conversation...i couldnt answer in a flash...and she was happy that i couldnt answer :)

But yes that sets me thinking...as if i need an excuse to think...why a fruit is not a living thing....'cos once ready, we pluck it from the tree...we take it away from a living thing and make it non-living...but that doesnt mean we are the culprits...it is sure to fall down one way or the other because now it has stopped to grow..it has reached its maximum capacity to grow.....

So in short...a thing which is not growing...or which stops growing becomes a non-living thing....'can move', can walk, can eat, can drink all are secondary things....

But the question remains...if the mango still contains a seed that will potentially give birth to a living thing yet again...is itself in the transitory stage...tree-mango-seed-tree.....in the sequence...but still mango and seed are non-living...

ok..another question...do we consider 'seed' as living? no..why...? it actually will start growing now...it should be considered a living thing...why wait for seed to grow into a plant to consider it living?

Can we apply the rule to us? No...but the bottom line is same...when we stop growing....we are dead or as good as dead...we sometimes call it death...sometimes call it stagnation...when we are alive....

How funny...a fruit when dead ( i mean theoretically dead...stops growing) is when we can use it most....and a person when dead has no use whatsoever....

Heaven and Hell...

Ok...so the that day finally....'m in front of God....in a queue waiting....oh...that never changes...a queue it is...just like the good old earth days....and 'm a person who firmly believes in following the rules...no i mean i was a person...hard to believe there is no 'i am' now...anyway...forget the 'tense' part...'m no more alive....so all these earthly things...why should i worry...so not 'i am' but 'i was'....ok...

...so the God is sitting on the throne and deciding the fates of people one by one...heaven or hell....a place of pure bliss (or eternal boredom maybe...) or a place where u wil be sent for infinite punishment for the finite number of sins u hv commited in whole life...now thats  a tad unfair..isnt it...

anyway....my turn....God looks at me..and consults with his advisor....complicated? yes...very complicated....decision is difficult...my merits and demerits are being carefully evaluated....he deliberates..deliberates...and decides...'take her to paradise'....
my fate is sealed....everybody moves in anticipation...but i stay put...confident, assured.....not again...i mean 'after my life'....:)

and say...''oh..wait...i dont want that...i thought death will finally clear me of my existence....i dont want to live in either heaven or hell....if u want to reward me...clear my existence...if u want to punish me...clear my existence...give me total freedom....delete me completely...give me just that 'death'....and nothing else....

And i thought 'death' is the end in itself...the end of 'choices'...

Just in time...

It feels like I have been waiting and waiting and waiting all my life…doing nothing else…and have spent a major part of my life….waiting….and still haven’t got used to it…and then to make matters worse…I married a man who equally values time…so nothing has changed…I used to wait alone…and now we wait as a pair….sometimes patiently and sometimes otherwise….yeah…yeah…I belong to later part of it for most of the time…but guess we belong to a minority in this nation that is always…with some exceptions of course…late…just why cant people land up on time?

And in addition….’m blessed with a sister and sis-in-law along with their respective husbands who never waste a single chance to take a dig at us…’but if u know we will be late as always…just why do you come on time…then get irritated…?...this is their response after arriving at least half an hr late whenever we decide to meet…

Maybe working with Japanese guys has worsened me further…I remember when my boss used to say…’meeting at 10a.m.’….he used to mean…we will start talking exactly at 10a.m….and he used to be there in the meeting room 5 mins before the actual time…papers neatly arranged, notepad ready with a pen to take notes…meeting room lights, projector, computers everything checked and ready….well the simple English word 10a.m. used to mean different for different people….for all the other guys in our company…10a.m. meant they will start yawning and moving from their place somewhere around 10a.m….they will switch off the PC…get off from the chair…take a quick bathroom break…chat with other guys on the way…flirt with receptionist and then sometime around 10:15-10:20….they will arrive in the meeting room with a grin on their face…ridicule written all over the face for my boss…why ‘cos he was on time…and then he will take out all his anger on me after the meeting….how come you Indians never value time…and on and on….

We, Indians are (ill) famous for our late-coming ways….more powerful the person….more likely his complete indifference towards time…no public event starts on time…no bus or train operate on time….no guest speaker arrives on time…no not even a private function at home starts on time…so…the train is only 10 min late…great…hey....its almost on time…why r u cribbing?.....its fashionable to be late….and criminal to be on time….

And this ‘bas 5 min’ or ‘bas 10 min’ is the biggest joke in our country….your PC starts making weird noises …you hurriedly call your software guy….what will he say…’ma’am bas 5 min mein aaya’…..and those 5 minutes can stretch into half an hour, hour, hours or even days…Somehow those 5 minutes go into an infinite loop…’tomorrow along with those fated 5 minutes never come’…..

Terms and conditions apply....

i was wondering if the fairy queen really wanted to help cindrella go to the ball and enjoy herself.....why she put the condition 'back before midnight' with it...guess..even back then the 'offers' came with the clause 'terms and conditions apply'...cindrella was no exception....

Infinite loop....

When i started using computer...i was fascinated with mouse....dont give me that look...i am talking about me before say 15 years...so mouse was indeed a fascination for me..then when i was working...suddenly the mouse stopped working...and our ever efficient company resources didnt give me a new mouse for next 3 months...result..i had to depend on keyboard more....but as the days passed....i started loving the keyboard more and more, and discovering new shortcuts for keyboard....then the mouse returned....again the fascination of using the mouse....now what if the mouse again goes on strike..will i switch to keyboard again....am i going into a loop here??

Illusions.....

Had gone to Ambejogai...had a lunch at a restaurant in there..'Tadka' ....which was based on the 'illusions' theme...a lot of photos depicting 'illusion' were on the wall and on the table too...and funnily the staff didnt know abt it...its only when we started taking snaps...they started enquiring why r we interested in those photos so much...It was very funny...at one point...not a person from us was sitting at the table...and we all were wandering around the hotel as if that was an exhibition... taking snaps...and the other customers were looking at us as if we were out of our minds..imagine doing something like this in a small town...:)

good for them..now they know...they have that additional point to attract the customers...maybe they will use the snaps as their 'USP...from now on...

there was another peculiarity in this hotel...there was no 'push' or 'pull' on the door...but ' ओढा' and 'ढकला' in mararthi....my husband who was already irritated by then...didnt let me take the snaps of those signs :(