Being alone...

Solitude…the gratest luxury of all…if I have disagreed before…I take my words back…after 2 days of frenzy of people….i need it badly…like how a fish needs water to survive…well…get it right…i am a loner…by choice…I don’t like being surrounded by too many people…and too much noise…it suffocates me…and leaves me gasping for breath at the end of the day…my idea of a get together is limited to being with 2/3 close friends or a few close family members….yes and in case if they let me be in my own world for most of the time...many of them wont notice it anyway...then its fine…but to expect to be in crowd....and people expecting you be active and alert to all the conversations and surroundings takes it toll on me...sometimes I just want to be alone…period….

I was wondering when do people want to alone and when do they are lonely...i guess...when you r alone by choice...it’s being alone...and when you r left alone...its loneliness...but why and when do we feel alone?...’twilight’ is one thing that immediately comes to mind…no matter where you are…no matter what language you speak…this is the feeling that doesn’t need any words….or boundaries…’twilight blues’…you always feel ‘somewhat uneasy’ at certain period of time in the evening just after sun is set...it makes you feel lethargic, nostalgic, lonely...it feels as if nothing would ever go your way...and then suddenly as it appears...it goes away ..mysterious as it seems...but not forgetting its appointment with us the very next day..and after and after....

And yes…when you take a decision….you feel alone….no matter how many people have supported you to take this final step…you r all alone in that last second..when you actually say ‘yes’ or ‘no’….and then when that hard fought decision goes wrong….you feel even terrible…acknowledging your defeat...it just weighs upon your shoulders....
And of course when you know you were wrong…you feel alone…and when you know you were right…it feels even worse….

Then you r watching a movie or enjoying a poem or reading a book...or a sudden thought crosses your mind....and there's no one to share...you try to reach every possible source in the world...and nothing comes back....thats when you feel alone…
You are going for a bath…you open the tap…expecting lukewarm water to welcome you….but no....it is bone chilling cold...you have forgotten to check the switch…you shiver…aren’t you alone in that feeling?
You are in college farewell party…everybody is busy shaking the leg on the bollywood music and enjoying…you want to go…but you don’t or you cant…don’t you feel outdated at that instant?

God…there are so many occasions around you when you feel lonely and alone…no wonder everybody craves for company lest the loneliness lurking in the corner attack you…and catches you unaware…and man is a social animal they say...

The 'M' factor..

Usain Bolt…there couldn’t be a single soul on this earth who haven’t heard about him…well...in case there are such rare species…he is the fastest man on the earth…world record holder for 100 m dash...he has broken his own record twice...and experts believe...no one can break his current record...quite a man...and he has a unique style of celebrating after each win…he poses like a bolt of lightening for the cameras...hence the name 'THE LIGHTENING BOLT'...

And a few months back…some researchers did a unique study for this man….and his running capability….and come up with the even astounding result….they say if ever there was a 100m race between Bolt and Shinkansen (the Japanese bullet train which was till recently the fastest machine running in this world)…..any guesses who will win…Usain Bolt…yes…man, not the machine...and there's no magic in it...just a logical answer...Bolt when runs achieves his top speed in fraction of seconds after starting the race...while Shinkansen takes a few minutes to achieve its top speed...result...by the time Shinkansen would reach its maximum limit...Bolt would have already crossed the finish line and 100m race would be over...

It was Man who designed the machines in the first place…Man who knew limit of his physical capabilities used his genius mind to compensate for the same…but isnt this a classic case of man winning over the machine?

Virtually yours...

I have noticed a funny trait in people…including yours truly…people sometimes prefer to remain in invisible mode for no particular reason…enjoying the comfort to remain in the background and still getting best seat for the show...and then they can watch people turning on-off as per their whims....and surprize a friend sometimes with a sudden message…I love this comfort of being on threshold of real and the virtual world...and the power to decide which side of the world i want to be...I guess one of the reasons people do this is ‘cos they miss those old days when the Net had not penentrated so much into their life…

Even accepting the fact that…'m a certified net addict…don’t you sometimes lament the loss of "offline" life we had back then - there was so much unknown, so much to be explored - like unseen/unheard places's pictures in Nat Geo or Discovery….. It was fun to ask questions…remember the countless hours spent in library…sleepless nights pondering over the problems....and then feeling euphoric once u get it…how things have changed…for the better?..well I can’t decide that…but even the word ‘Search’ is going extinct…now you just ‘Google’ it…its like passing the exam with flying colors…but not able to enjoy your success fully….knowing very well…you dont deserve that success….

These days everything around you seem to be virtual…virtual friends…relations…meeting….affairs…world….only excuse I seem to have these days for not being able to be in touch…is ‘my friends are not net savy..’…sure…the virtual world gives you feeling of world being at your ‘finger-tips’….but i guess it makes us less appreciative of the real one..

New year beckons...

So….the new year is here….2010…2010 does sound something special…I hv a fetish for full complete numbers….or else 2010 isnt going to be much different from 2009 (or will it?) but 2010 just sounds better and exciting....and this obsession doesnt stop with the new year only...whenever i want to start doing s'thing new ...like if I am playing FV on net…and really should be studying Japanese…one look at clock tells me its 9:37...i will say...'oh..well is it 9:37...gr8...i will play until 10...and then i will start studying...or if its wednesday or thursday..i will comfort myself saying...let me continue doing this fo r 2/3 days..and i will start studying from monday...'cos starting s'thing on friday just doesnt seem good... ….feels better mentally to start on a Monday…first day of the week….there’s always a new day, a Monday, 1^st day of the month, new year….so you see that’s the sort of person I am…

Hmm…so a brand new year….as always I hv a list of resolutions I want to do….resolutions r funny things…aint they? You should avoid making them in the first place..and when you finally succumb to the temptation…all you do in the next year is to break them one by one…quite happily…w/o the slightest trace of guilt…but no…still I am a great fan of resolutions and I will continue making them…u know what i have made one of the toughest resolutions of my life this year....in a relationship...give 100% but expect less...i thought this is impossible just a few years ago....but in the last year i have improved myself...i certainly expect 10% less now...so this year i plan to expect even less....maybe upto 50%...

And yes there’s one more thing special in the year…my blog is turning 1 in a few days….its been quite an eventful and satisfying journey…and I have loved every second of it...all that a writer virtual or otherwise needs is a pair of eyes...who will 'read'...so i guess i will dedicate the first post of the year to those 'elite pair of eyes' who brought me to the thing i love...writing...thnks buddy for always being there...you have been a big inspiration….and I promise I will make your life even more miserable by writing even more this year….the new year beckons…

Darkness...

Darkness isevil...darkness is shadow...darkness enters when there is no light...i wonder why i have always found peace in darkness....it works as solace for me...solace from the world..solace from the day...solace from the lights...

Staring at the horizon, with the eagerness of newly wed bride i smiled to myself as darkness took over the world...bringing with it memories...good and bad....they say when you cant see....you can feel the power of touch...when there is light...eyes do most of the work...and dont let other senses rule...

A tear trickled down my face...and i didnt bother to wipe it...it was long due...waiting patiently...waiting for that elite cover of darkness....and i smiled again....for the safety of solitude it offers to me...to let me shed a few tears here and there...in memories of all the moments i have lived...but would never ever re-live again...

Growing older...

Whats this about ‘growing older’…I’m suddenly finding a lot many changes in me…that r supposed to b part of growing up…they say…I do not understand whether i belong to older generation or the current one...but I am finding certain changes in me that r totally new…

As a zoology student…we had lot of dissections in the practicals…and i was proud of the fact i can do all the dissections without any fuss...before lunch...after lunch didn't matter...when most of the girls around me were sceptical about touching the animal to be dissected after the lunch...lest nausea will overpower them....and i could easily see through all the operations they show on the TV….without any dizziness…when I saw dogs or cats or cattle or for that matter humans…run over by passing trucks on the highway…I was OK enough to watch the sight…but these days..i am finding it difficult to remain calm and cool when I witness such sights…I actually feel sick at times…this is a strange thing to happen to me…I thought I am quite tough mentally…is this a part of growing up?

I love collecting books…key chains….coins…stamps…and a lot of other things…suddenly I have found myself wondering why i am doing all this...whats the use...what will happen once i go out of this world..what if these things would leave unattended in my absence then...why these thoughts have started travelling in my mind...i am certainly not old enough to think about 'what after'...

just the other day….we have this girl in the office…who must b around 25/26…but acts like she is a child of no more than 5/6..always irritates me to the core to see her around….but today was her birthday…and her friends in the office threw a party for her on the office terrace …we all were invited…there was cake…candles…caps…masks...balloons....the cake was marked with a candle for age 5...they say that was her mental age…god…how I agree with them…but she was thoroughly enjoying all the attention showered on her…she cut the cake…with we all singing a loud ‘happy birthday’ for her…and then she was smeared with cake all over….and ‘cos she was of age 5…she said she will eat all the cake with her hands sitting right there on the floor..and she did just that…and her friends were equally enthusiastic too….in the end we all got return gifts…a scented eraser just like in school days…in the end she said…’this was one of the best birthday celebrations she ever had in her life…and she was touched beyond words…’…she sounded just like an adult then...and in that moment....i envied her.....is that part of ‘growing up' that I find all this childish…but somewhere deep down I was enjoying the spectacle…celebrating with friends …

I was going to office today…and suddenly a teenager overtook me with frantic speed...he was on kinetic....and almost hit me on the way...i was all geared up and angry...and drove like a fanatic for the next 10 min...and finally caught up with the boy...and eventually overtook him...well...at least i hv something left with me that i can identify with...i felt better....

A friend in need...

A friend in need...
Originally uploaded by neeta_online

I was going to office the other day...when i saw three boys playing on the road...one of them fell down and got hurt in the process...his knee was badly bruised...and he could hardly walk...what these guys did...they took a metal plate lying around on the road...helped their friend on it...and just pulled him from both sides...the trick worked wonderfully well...as the metal plate slided effortlessly along the ground...a friend in need is a friend indeed :)

I watched it thro'out and enjoyed it more....got late to the office in the end...