Be yourself...

Can anybody be 100% true to himself/herself..i’m not even talking about others….

If somebody would hv asked me this a few years back…I would hv said an emphatic ‘yes’….we sure had discussed this in college…(good old college days)…and then went to canteen to eat/drink over it…golden days...carefree...less reponsibilities...not exactly less problems...but they were to that certain sphere...now when i remember those days....i smile...how foolish we were...or (were we innocent?)...u know what...i envy that 'stupid' me....anyway…where was i…yes the 100% question….as life goes on...can we still be 100% true....every time...any occasion?....and 100% is not 99.99%....its 24 carat pure gold 100%...

Is there an age for ‘being true to yourself...being honest? i guess so....growing up always come with putting one mask after other...

Life...my way...

I have a favourite pasttime....creating a hypothetical situations with the real people around me...& make stories out of them.....whenever i am getting bored waiting for someone or waiting for the train...or when i am driving alone or when have a lot of time on my hand or when things aren't going my way or when i am just plain frustrated.....i create a situation around me and decide the people who will act in it..and then just the

let the situation flow as i want it....the charaters are not necessarily the real ones though...sometimes i create a person out of nowhere...he/she does exist only in my stories....its fun i tell you....'cos the you are the one who control these stories in the end...so next time when u are telling me something earnestly...who knows..i may be in the different world altogether.....and you wont notice it a bit....i have mastered this art quite well.....

Glad to be born....

I loved my birthdays…who doesn’t…when u r a kid…I remember I used to wait for it right from the new year…i have a very convenient birthday…one that came along the way…in the middle of the year….so it felt as if entire year wasn’t spent just waiting…I mean I feel for those December people….their birthday…is the never one that just gone by….its always a birthday that’s at the end of the year...the next year...…by the time…u enter december….people r already looking ahead….

So the days before the actual day I used to start counting….a new dress (which my mother used to stitch most of the times)… a new book by default, and some sweets…selecting which chocolates to buy and take to school, and also deciding upon which friend will accompany u to other classes….which fortunate friend…I used to be hyperactive the previous night….

Then waking up…even slower than usual….listening to the voices outside…is anyone there….talking about my birthday….is anyone waiting outside to wish me…then they used to come in bunches…wishes I mean….aai, baba, sis and then the phone calls…most of them…grandparents….relatives…yes…that was the age when the friends didn’t belong to your home….they were ‘external’ entities….

Getting to school with the box of chocolates…attention from everybody…(I cant believe I enjoyed that attention then…)….then in the evening a small party at home….no cake cutting or blowing candles..…just a few close relatives and some neighbouring children..…some gifts…not expensive…but still precious…a nice dinner….with my favourite sweets…and …birthday is gone….

Then back to bed…still restless…but satisfied…a day older than yesterday…aren’t u?

As I grew older…some things changed….now the birthday dress bought from the shop (mom cannot possibly understand the latest fashions…that’s what my sis used to said…it used be her call which dress to buy on my birthday…I never cared for the dress…)….now some more phone calls…most of them friends…and some cool birthday cards….fewer gifts…but now the wrapper wasn’t the important factor….both the cards and the wrappers neatly kept away in a drawer….again a party at home…friends hanging out together….a dinner…cooked by my mother…

Birthday over…back to sleep…but not before carefully writing how the day went by in the diary…my best companion in those days….and back to sleep

Some years later….college days…birthdays started at midnight….surprise phone calls… still no cell phone…so I used to wait by the phone…hoping it would ring…it did ring for a lot many years…next day….some more phone calls, a treat in the college given by me…at a cheap food joint….nothing else changed….the evening treats at home…continued…the near and dear ones never let me down….

Now when I think of it…no 12a.m. calls, surprise or otherwise…waking up with cell phone ringing…99% of the times…parents calling…then everybody wishing at home…getting through the morning chores with phone breaks in between…and at the first chance…switch on the laptop….checking inbox…full of mails…e-cards…read and reply copy paste ‘thank you’ to most of them…then some more phone calls….calls from people you speak only twice a day…on your birthday and on his/her birthday….some more texts…most of them…just a casual ‘happy birthday’…taken from a set format…then to work….suddenly missing your earlier years….accompanying that retrospective mood…..time to indulge in philosophy…am I that old now? What I have done with my life…you know …that resolution thing…that makes your life miserable at the start of the new year…the same comes back to haunt you on your special day…but evening comes as a respite…a small party or eating out…making you forget those thoughts….

But one thing never changed…a birthday is still special….it is a day when you get surprises…or more appropriately u hope that u will get surprises…you hope people remember you on that day…and will try to reach you in some way or the other…social networking sites had made it easy…but it has taken away the charm…it has taken away the satisfaction that so-n-so remembers your birthday….i don’t even buy new cloths on birthday…a book…yes…I still add one book every year to my collection….i gift a book to myself on each of my birthdays….

A birthday goes even faster than it arrives….but it is still special…the fact that you r born on that day will always make it special…’cos at the end of the day…u r happy that u r born….

A kodak moment missed...

i saw a very peculiar view 2 days back...i dropped my daughter at her ground and was coming back home...and then i saw a man....he was sitting on the top of his car with his 4/5 year old son... and his wife was driving the car....and they were driving through various lanes behind the MIT college...just like that...and were clearly enjoying themselves... my guess is...it was all done for the enjoyment of their son...who was  in clearly high spirits after getting his way....but more than that the man amused me...he wasnt paying attention to anybody around...though there were a loy of people on the road continuously staring at them... and he seem oblivious to his surroundings......focussed on his job....to grant his son a wish :)

they say..you require more courage to do things that you really want to do...than to do things that you dont want to do...how true....

i was a bit late to take a picture...and by the time i realised it they were gone.... may be i will see them again...and will definitely take a picture then....but i guess most of the times...a opportunity missed..is an opportunity missed :(.....i wasted a chance of a kodak moment for sure

You just never know....

A person, in general is always unpredictable…u can say…’I know so-&-so…so well…I know him inside out…he/she just cant hide anything from me…even if he/she chose to remain silent….’but I believe its very dangerous after all to stick labels to a person….99% of the times u r sure to fall flat on the face…if not sooner then later for sure……then all you can do…is to wonder…and think…did I really know this person all these years?.....

i have come to believe that a person you meet everyday is a bit different from the person you met yesterday….just like every new and fresh day…though it starts with the same sun rising from the east….and ends with that sun setting at the opposite end…

reason being there’s a huge gap of 24 hours between who you have met yesterday…and who you r meeting today…..in between he may have gone through different experiences…different emotions…..and it may have changed him/her a bit …..even if the change is not visible immediately….and if you don’t realise it in nick of time…if u don’t catch it there….suddenly u find him/her behaving in an exactly opposite manner from that of your perception of him/her….

and u r astonished…..wondering….i used to know this person so well…what the hell has happened?....va pu mhantat te kharach...manus bighadala, kamatun gela mhanaje to vegala vagato ase nahi..fakt to aplayala have tase wagat nahi evadhech :)

U, A and U/A....

All these years....and all these days...a silver screen obsessed person like me...didnt know this thing...i was checking out upcoming movies in the city pride today...just then i found a board with censor certificates of the three movies that were running in the theatre....was curious to see what they actually write in the certificates...in the theatre the censor certificate vanishes within a second...and we arent really in the mood to watch those certificates...are we?...

So...i checked it out...till then i was under impression that..the movies r categorised into two types...U & A
U means open to all...the word they use in the certificate is 'Unrestricted Public Exhibition...hence the letter U...
A means above 18 years of age...again the word used is 'Adults only'..and hence A
 

to my astonishment...there was this third category...U/A....i mean i remember watching U/A for a lot of films...but conveniently considered it as U films...but U/A actually means 'under adult supervision'...so not exactly a movie which is open to all....but at the same time...it is not the 'adult only' movie...The actual wording they use in the certificate....is....
 

'fit for public exhibition with an endorsement of caution that the question as to whether any child below the age of 12 years may be allowed to see the film should be considered by the parents or guardian of the child'...'

so it is neither U nor A...its somewhere in between... 

Writer....

How will you define a good writer?  Someone who conceals his own identity when he writes…no then he should be called the actor…who has the ability to go over his own self and adopt a different personality from his own most of the times...that requires talent….to hide behind the mask..or is it?....but of course you will get to act like one’s true self once in a while…just how many times have you heard the actors speaking of a role…’so-and-so is just like me…that’s why I enjoyed doing this role’….why?? are they not bored acting like the one’s own self in their real life? Why this obsession to play a part in reel life too…perhaps they mean they enjoy playing one’s own self in the movies which they try hard to conceal in real life…and that’s why they enjoy it…they get to play it….but nobody connects it to their own life…but that’s not the point here…I am talking abt writers..i believe a writer should always express himself in his writing….the values he believes in…the person he really is…he should never in his life try to be an actor…guess..that would spoil the whole purpose of being a writer…

Random...

Have you noticed this? Its quite funny…actually…everybody is doing these for ages…but it just clicked today at random…remember the old game of ‘putting a bindi on forehead’...eyes blindfolded’….everybody knows there’s no logic to it…no known formula to solve it…no trick to crack the code…no magic to unveil…its just a pure time pass game…meant for exactly that....to pass the time and to have fun…

but still almost all participants take it very seriously including me…they will do all sorts of things…first they will try to look important….as if going on a mission….then when blindfolded they will walk towards the board…in fact they will be led toward the board …don’t have choice there J…then with an authoritative manner…will try to feel the board with hands as if they know exactly what they r doing….will try to judge the dimensions …and pretend to take measurements…with their hands…will take their time to decide the spot…judge the distance from the top of the board…and then put that bindi on the board…99.99% of the times…way away from the spot intended….

and then when blindfolds are removed…they look at the board with anticipation…and with incredulous look…feign surprise that after all those meticulous calculations and measurements…how can one go wrong?...

no way i am analysing the situation…’m just amused at the mass mentality….and I don’t boast to be any different from it…isn’t it a common sense to put a bindi right away without thinking and be done with it…? 

There’s something to it though…a ever present wish to excel….an even more ubiquitous dread to go wrong in front of crowds…and funnily people don’t mind it when they go wrong in front of the unknown people…but they absolutely hate when the people known 2 u witness this…strange but very common…

Random...

i was wondering...if some cool invention allows me to go back in time...say 5 years...10 years....so now i know fully well...whats going to happen to me in all the situations in the future...so would i be able to change the way i behave in the past...or i would just be a spectator again...

Oh my GOD....

I am using a new method to tackle my daughter…these days…in any case she is beyond the ‘tangible’ powers in the house…and doesn’t listen to anybody…certainly has a mind of her own…there’s no other way…its always and always ‘only her way’ all along…so inevitably I hv used a story…just like my mother must hv used the same for me ..(tu lahan astana mi pan tula hech sangat hote type)..…there’s a certain ‘devbappa’ sitting in the sky and his main job is to watch over the kids…how do they behave…do they listen to elders? Do they brush their teeth in the morning and before going to sleep….do they eat properly…and all sorts of stuff…and when he sees a child behaving like a good boy/girl…he writes it in a book…(a red book for good work, a black book for bad behaviour..thats my daughters invention…she is somehow fascinated with colours...everything has to be associated with colours...so even ‘bappa’ has to have a color…)…and that has worked temporarily J….you can see her sitting on a window pane and staring at the sky curiously..and wondering what her ‘favourite bappa’ is doing right now…she has eaten well today…she has finished her tiffin…is bappa observing..? is he writing in the red book…(she wanted the pink color for the book and the bappa…but bappa is a boy so no pink color…red color instead…black is out of question….’Bappa’ is certainly in her good books J)…

That has set me thinking….kids understand all the stuff so easily and correctly…they know once the things r explained to them….if you behave well…u r in God’s good books and if u don’t behave well…u r invariably in bad books….its all about getting a zero at the end of calculation….thats how it works…

So what do I believe? Does the God exist? Yes...definitely it does…otherwise how will u explain inexplicable phenomena going around you…ok so if it does, whats its purpose? …and why there’s so much evil around in the world…why there r crimes in the world…why there is so much pain in the world…if God is supposed to be watching all the time…only plausible explanation acc. to me…is… God is not meant for all these things in the first place…the basic assumption seems to be wrong….we r working in wrong premises…God is not there to make your life perfect all the time…he can not and will not take responsibility for each and every person in the world…he has given you powers, talent, virtues, capacity and other things…and how you work on it..how u use it...its entirely upon you..its your decision and responsibility…don’t blame him if things go wrong…and don’t ask for free favours.. …no blackmailing please....’Bhagvad Gita’ has the right message…’nothing is in your hand…everything is decided…but that doesn’t mean you will sit idle…you must work hard without blaming your luck….and without expecting the results…and if u fail…work harder next time…’

and then another question…whats diff between a religious person and an atheist? I do not (willingly) indulge nor I believe in ‘Puja’…I (willingly) don’t go to temples most of the times…when passing a temple, I don’t pray…I never go to a temple before an interview or an exam or anything imp in my life...and I haven’t ask him any favours in my life….but sometimes…when I need a bit of courage to do things…when I stumble for a moment before taking a step forward…my hand accidentally touches the Ganpati pendant I wear all the time…quietly asking for blessings….quietly gaining that inner strength back in me…quietly checking that ‘the invisible power’ is somewhere with me…even if I cant see it…as if I am touching an elder’s feet….does that make me an atheist? Or a believer?  Why can’t I label myself…one way or the other? Do I fear God? What does the concept ‘mukti’ means?

…Questions never seem to end….

Deletophobia....

Do you have problems deleting your messages in the inbox…or texts from ur cellphone? Well…it seems I do hv a problem with that stuff….i wonder what it is that makes it so difficult to press the red delete button…I remember the countless times…I hv gone through texts on my cell…wondering over and over again which ones to keep and which ones to delete….and at the end of every session, I either end up deleting all or deletine none…’it would irritate me to think what I am doing is to hold countless emotions together…little bits of pieces…joys, laughter….and wondering what to do with it…and i hate to do away with texts ...i admit...

I guess…it’s the same everywhere in my life….how I deal with these texts reflect wonderfully well…how I deal with life….i hate to throw away even a trivial thing when I supposedly try to clean out my cupboard….whatever I take out to throw away finally gets in again…to its old place…at the end of every session…

I also have another terrible habit to save chat histories…and indulge in them in my free time…well..Yes…it’s a good way to re-live good times…but being a machine…it forgots to be selective abt it…and retains all the bad memories too…

Do all of us do the same thing…try to cling to past in every form we can or do I hv this ‘delete-phobia’ that doesn’t let me enjoy the present moments…..

'm not loving it...

Whats happening to me? …it was an India vs Pakistan match just the other day...…after 2 years….people around me were jumping with joy for every run scored, biting nails for every wicket gone down…enjoying Bhajji’s encounter with Shoaib…and finally going berserk when India won the close encounter with one ball to spare…and I was like…’whats wrong with these people’….and today India won the Asia cup...and i'm still like...'whats the big deal'...

Not long ago…I was proud of myself for being cricket fanatic….i was obsessed with cricket…for last 20-22 years…people have wondered how a girl can be that crazy for a sport? Am I not a sports buff now?…no…a certain Rodger federer win still sends shivers back my spine....a saina nehwal doing good in a sports that I don’t like much still makes me feel proud about her…a Michael Schumacher comeback in F1 race still thrills me…then what? Dada’s retirement…well…I thought that was the reason I was moving away from cricket….but then I didn’t even enjoy IPL as much as I should have where he was playing…

Will somebody please help me to find my passion for cricket back? I seem to have lost it somewhere and not able to find it…and I am hating myself for that…big time…

Resemblance...

I have always wondered…why two people…not remotely in the blood relation still resemble each other in some sort of uncanny way at times….the two close friends…a couple…a husband & a wife…and why only these examples…even colleagues working together….why they resemble so much if they r not related by blood…when they do not have same genes….they aren’t connected emotionally….most of the times…today I was attending Saee’s school annual meeting….and there they were again…two principals sitting side by side…again had that resemblance….i was astonished…and that got me thinking again….surely they r not even remotely related…but yes…they have worked together side by side, weathered every storm together for 20-25 years…I guess…when the two people r in perfect harmony with each other….when their inner voice communicates well….thats where the resemblance occurs….in extreme cases, people call them soulmates….

Random...

There are days when i like everything about me...including my temper, my almost non existing verbal communication skills...and there are days when i start disliking myself for everything i am and everything i am not..its the balance i am seeking...its the balance that counts in the end..just like for everything else...

Random...

They say...if friendship is your weakest point...then you are strongest person in the world...why dont i feel so then???

Premonsoon Showers...

Heavy premonsoon today with strong winds...watched a female crow fighting to keep her eggs safe for almost 2 hrs...the nest was on a tree right in front of our balcony...clicked some snaps...not clear enough cos of rain and wind.....but watching the 'mother' fight with the forces of nature was something unbelievable.....was a touch better than what they show on discovery channels...made my day...

A quote for a day...

A pen, a ready thought, a paper and an eye to read...all available at a time....what can better define 'richness'??

Want to make God laugh...tell him your plans...

There’s a Marathi serial on TV which endorses the concept of Surrogacy…now for those who don’t know about surrogacy….the term literally means using a substitute mother in place of natural mother to conceive a child… ….
so this couple, married for 10 years or so….have tried every option possible in the world – scientific and otherwise …nothing has worked for them….as the last hope…they decide to opt for surrogacy…they put an ad in the paper to look out for the willing candidates….after screening and scanning hundreds of options, finally a girl (who is incidentally heroine of the serial…and who is against this concept theoretically) unwillingly agrees to volunteer...feeling burden of huge financial pressure on her….’cos this couple is rich enough…and ‘M’ factor is not a problem….so she agrees…takes the money (signing amount…J)…and they start the procedure….after all the filmy dramas and twists…the girl is now pregnant…couple is on cloud nine…finally the things r falling in place….
And now suddenly the ‘original’ mother is carrying….after 10 years….and the couple no longer want the child for which they have spent loads of money….they want their biological child….and the hapless girl is left to her fate…unmarried but pregnant…I mean I don’t get this…is this God’s idea of a private joke or something…or is he in the mood for some mischief….they say…’want to make God laugh…tell him your plans’…..how true…

Feeling blue...

Do you feel the ‘void’ one day after the ‘birthday’…it feels as if people are telling you…’yesterday all we did is to pamper you…now wake up….dream day is over….you get back to the routine and let us get back to ours….’….as if they had enough of u in one day…now they will just ignore you…well they don’t really…it just feels that way….and it wasn’t exactly my birthday L

Don’t know why ‘m feeling a bit down since last 2 days….bored, uneasy calm descending upon me and the surroundings….something is just not right….maybe it is…but I don’t feel that way…as if the ‘twilight blues’ are working overtime to make up for the recession…we seem to have everywhere around us….and I don’t know the reason….hence there’s no solution….’cos I know I am essentially an optimist….i believe even if things seem to go wrong, there’s always a solution if u r willing to find it…there’s always a way is been my motto for long….then why do I feel the way I am feeling?? Well…the feeling comes back once in a while…its not frequent…but its not rare either….. Sometimes I get bored to the limit…to the point of pondering over end of life…and it suffocates me….its the feeling I can’t define…but it doesn’t go away…..

Sometimes I wonder….what do I want exactly? Love, fame, money…what? I seem to have enough of everything required to be fairly happy and content in life….but these things never seem to be enough…whats that one ‘thing’ (if at all it’s a thing), I am constantly looking out for…striving for…. ‘m not a perfectionist either…..

As I am going crazy over these thoughts, a group of people, of both genders and ages…but mostly old people are busy collecting neem leaves for tomorrow…for Gudipadva….they are busy pulling a huge branch of a tree down to get some (free) neem leaves which r considered auspicious for the occasion…and in the process they have brought entire tree down….with their efforts…there it is…a huge branch of neem lying on the ground…and people are jostling each other for their share…somehow the site is not pretty….even I need to get some of them for tomorrow…but forget it…collecting those leaves from that branch just seems cheap….something again is not right….i start feeling down again…..as if I really need a reason…..

Does that branch feel pain? Does the pain ever go away….or do a point come where pain just stops…or its an eternal thing…never ending…God…am I feeling sorry for that branch now?….well…that’s the kind of mood I’m in….

Live your dreams....

Natrang and Harishchandrachi factory both seemingly different movies give us the same message….live your dreams…whatever it takes…but believe in your dreams…and one day they will come true….and even if they don’t at the end…u will sign out from this world fully satisfied that you tried your best…you gave it your best shot…i dream it...i will do it...i did it!!

There's another aspect of these two movies...which is quite remarkable....in Natrang....the family of protagonist fails to come to terms with his dream....and blames him for their poverty and pains...and their miserable life....and when he is down and out....they leave him to suffer his fate....the other protagonist is quite lucky that way....his wife and his children do not seem to think 'anything crazy' of whatever he is attempting...even though making motion pictures is quite unheard of in the society....they believe in him...in fact they are actively involved in the film making....Both had to fight really hard to achieve their dreams....but i guess your family being with you helps....

'jab apne sath hote hain...to kuch bhi namumkin nahi hota...'.....

Driving nuts....

Today i was driving activa on mumbai-banglore highway....met a real specimen on the way...
a middle aged man (must be 45-50)...and his wife were riding on a (at least) 25 yr old bajaj scooter...they were quite ok till i overtook them at one junction....within seconds...he overtook me...and drove away...i thought he didnt like me overtaking him...just to make sure i was right...i overtook him again..and there he was....again increased his speed....overtook me....and flashed me a nasty look...

well...that did it...i was really excited by now....and it was easy to overtake him again...he was so livid....started driving like a maniac.....and trying to get past me....but by then..i was in game totally...and was easily keeping ahead of him....i mean are gadi tari bagha...mi activa chalwatiy...its a 4 stroke bike...ata ti 25 varsh juni scooter chalwun kiti mazhya pudhe janar ahat kaka...its not a competition betn a man and a woman...its a competition betn machines...and quite logically....the machine with more power will win...
pan nahi...tyanna itka rag yet hota ki mi tyanchya pudhe jatiy....pudhe pudhe tar mi thode distance zale ki speed kami karat hote...tyanna pudhe jau det hote...ani mag punha tyanna overtake karat hote...did i behave like a sadist?

.....tya bhangadit mage basalelya kaku jeev muthit gheun basalya hotya.....imagine no helmet...two wheeler with min power, no rear view mirror....driving on a highway....but just that attitude...that how can a woman overtake a man...:)....Buland bharat ki buland tasveer...Hamara Bajaj :)

Random...

they say monkeys never get dizzy when they twirl around.....and yes we all know children also dont get dizzy when they go ringa-ringa-roses....but we adults (i mean most of them) do get dizzy when we try to do the same..i myself do....children are naturally closer to the monkey race than adults...well..so u see feeling dizzy is a sign of growing up.....and also its ok to act like a monkey when u r just a small child...:)

A quote for a day...

Once upon a time...somebody...somewhere...decided '2' will always come after '1'....and its fate was sealed...forever...

(I)Morally right....

Met a close friend today after a long time….and there were many things to catch up….my favourite topic of movies was sure to come up sooner or later..I was telling him…my husband is not a great fan of movies…so I make it a point to see all the movies on net…whatever happens but I have to see all those movies…if not in theatre then on net...guess I was telling him as if I hv achieved s’thing great…he stared at me for a while and then said..
Normally you try to be so idealistic….you want everything morally right…and try to go out of the way, against the tide to follow those morals and rules…you will follow all the traffic rules no matter what…and admonish people on road who don’t…curse people who lack civic sense…hate people who indulge in back biting…and gossiping…how come you r justifying watching the movies on net…which is 100% piracy…and even if downloading the movies from the net might not be illegal but it is certainly immoral and easy way to watch the movies free...if you really love movies…you of all the people should make it a point to watch it in theatre only…and avoid piracy…don’t you think you are supporting it…??

Wow…love u guys...problem with all the close friends in the world is that they will never mince their words while criticising you...they will be brutal, frank everything clubbed together when they r pointing out a mistake...no sugar-coating…you will get the message loud and clear…just like that….

So am i going to stop watching movies on net? hell...no...i am not strong enough to declare proudly...ok i admit...i was wrong...and henceforth I will watch the movies only in theatre….cant do without movies guys....ideally i would love to do that...but my weakness will get better of my moral capabilities every time a new movie comes up...and till that moment...i better stop criticizing other people for being immoral…

Being alone...

Solitude…the gratest luxury of all…if I have disagreed before…I take my words back…after 2 days of frenzy of people….i need it badly…like how a fish needs water to survive…well…get it right…i am a loner…by choice…I don’t like being surrounded by too many people…and too much noise…it suffocates me…and leaves me gasping for breath at the end of the day…my idea of a get together is limited to being with 2/3 close friends or a few close family members….yes and in case if they let me be in my own world for most of the time...many of them wont notice it anyway...then its fine…but to expect to be in crowd....and people expecting you be active and alert to all the conversations and surroundings takes it toll on me...sometimes I just want to be alone…period….

I was wondering when do people want to alone and when do they are lonely...i guess...when you r alone by choice...it’s being alone...and when you r left alone...its loneliness...but why and when do we feel alone?...’twilight’ is one thing that immediately comes to mind…no matter where you are…no matter what language you speak…this is the feeling that doesn’t need any words….or boundaries…’twilight blues’…you always feel ‘somewhat uneasy’ at certain period of time in the evening just after sun is set...it makes you feel lethargic, nostalgic, lonely...it feels as if nothing would ever go your way...and then suddenly as it appears...it goes away ..mysterious as it seems...but not forgetting its appointment with us the very next day..and after and after....

And yes…when you take a decision….you feel alone….no matter how many people have supported you to take this final step…you r all alone in that last second..when you actually say ‘yes’ or ‘no’….and then when that hard fought decision goes wrong….you feel even terrible…acknowledging your defeat...it just weighs upon your shoulders....
And of course when you know you were wrong…you feel alone…and when you know you were right…it feels even worse….

Then you r watching a movie or enjoying a poem or reading a book...or a sudden thought crosses your mind....and there's no one to share...you try to reach every possible source in the world...and nothing comes back....thats when you feel alone…
You are going for a bath…you open the tap…expecting lukewarm water to welcome you….but no....it is bone chilling cold...you have forgotten to check the switch…you shiver…aren’t you alone in that feeling?
You are in college farewell party…everybody is busy shaking the leg on the bollywood music and enjoying…you want to go…but you don’t or you cant…don’t you feel outdated at that instant?

God…there are so many occasions around you when you feel lonely and alone…no wonder everybody craves for company lest the loneliness lurking in the corner attack you…and catches you unaware…and man is a social animal they say...

The 'M' factor..

Usain Bolt…there couldn’t be a single soul on this earth who haven’t heard about him…well...in case there are such rare species…he is the fastest man on the earth…world record holder for 100 m dash...he has broken his own record twice...and experts believe...no one can break his current record...quite a man...and he has a unique style of celebrating after each win…he poses like a bolt of lightening for the cameras...hence the name 'THE LIGHTENING BOLT'...

And a few months back…some researchers did a unique study for this man….and his running capability….and come up with the even astounding result….they say if ever there was a 100m race between Bolt and Shinkansen (the Japanese bullet train which was till recently the fastest machine running in this world)…..any guesses who will win…Usain Bolt…yes…man, not the machine...and there's no magic in it...just a logical answer...Bolt when runs achieves his top speed in fraction of seconds after starting the race...while Shinkansen takes a few minutes to achieve its top speed...result...by the time Shinkansen would reach its maximum limit...Bolt would have already crossed the finish line and 100m race would be over...

It was Man who designed the machines in the first place…Man who knew limit of his physical capabilities used his genius mind to compensate for the same…but isnt this a classic case of man winning over the machine?

Virtually yours...

I have noticed a funny trait in people…including yours truly…people sometimes prefer to remain in invisible mode for no particular reason…enjoying the comfort to remain in the background and still getting best seat for the show...and then they can watch people turning on-off as per their whims....and surprize a friend sometimes with a sudden message…I love this comfort of being on threshold of real and the virtual world...and the power to decide which side of the world i want to be...I guess one of the reasons people do this is ‘cos they miss those old days when the Net had not penentrated so much into their life…

Even accepting the fact that…'m a certified net addict…don’t you sometimes lament the loss of "offline" life we had back then - there was so much unknown, so much to be explored - like unseen/unheard places's pictures in Nat Geo or Discovery….. It was fun to ask questions…remember the countless hours spent in library…sleepless nights pondering over the problems....and then feeling euphoric once u get it…how things have changed…for the better?..well I can’t decide that…but even the word ‘Search’ is going extinct…now you just ‘Google’ it…its like passing the exam with flying colors…but not able to enjoy your success fully….knowing very well…you dont deserve that success….

These days everything around you seem to be virtual…virtual friends…relations…meeting….affairs…world….only excuse I seem to have these days for not being able to be in touch…is ‘my friends are not net savy..’…sure…the virtual world gives you feeling of world being at your ‘finger-tips’….but i guess it makes us less appreciative of the real one..

New year beckons...

So….the new year is here….2010…2010 does sound something special…I hv a fetish for full complete numbers….or else 2010 isnt going to be much different from 2009 (or will it?) but 2010 just sounds better and exciting....and this obsession doesnt stop with the new year only...whenever i want to start doing s'thing new ...like if I am playing FV on net…and really should be studying Japanese…one look at clock tells me its 9:37...i will say...'oh..well is it 9:37...gr8...i will play until 10...and then i will start studying...or if its wednesday or thursday..i will comfort myself saying...let me continue doing this fo r 2/3 days..and i will start studying from monday...'cos starting s'thing on friday just doesnt seem good... ….feels better mentally to start on a Monday…first day of the week….there’s always a new day, a Monday, 1^st day of the month, new year….so you see that’s the sort of person I am…

Hmm…so a brand new year….as always I hv a list of resolutions I want to do….resolutions r funny things…aint they? You should avoid making them in the first place..and when you finally succumb to the temptation…all you do in the next year is to break them one by one…quite happily…w/o the slightest trace of guilt…but no…still I am a great fan of resolutions and I will continue making them…u know what i have made one of the toughest resolutions of my life this year....in a relationship...give 100% but expect less...i thought this is impossible just a few years ago....but in the last year i have improved myself...i certainly expect 10% less now...so this year i plan to expect even less....maybe upto 50%...

And yes there’s one more thing special in the year…my blog is turning 1 in a few days….its been quite an eventful and satisfying journey…and I have loved every second of it...all that a writer virtual or otherwise needs is a pair of eyes...who will 'read'...so i guess i will dedicate the first post of the year to those 'elite pair of eyes' who brought me to the thing i love...writing...thnks buddy for always being there...you have been a big inspiration….and I promise I will make your life even more miserable by writing even more this year….the new year beckons…