Darkness...

Darkness isevil...darkness is shadow...darkness enters when there is no light...i wonder why i have always found peace in darkness....it works as solace for me...solace from the world..solace from the day...solace from the lights...

Staring at the horizon, with the eagerness of newly wed bride i smiled to myself as darkness took over the world...bringing with it memories...good and bad....they say when you cant see....you can feel the power of touch...when there is light...eyes do most of the work...and dont let other senses rule...

A tear trickled down my face...and i didnt bother to wipe it...it was long due...waiting patiently...waiting for that elite cover of darkness....and i smiled again....for the safety of solitude it offers to me...to let me shed a few tears here and there...in memories of all the moments i have lived...but would never ever re-live again...

Growing older...

Whats this about ‘growing older’…I’m suddenly finding a lot many changes in me…that r supposed to b part of growing up…they say…I do not understand whether i belong to older generation or the current one...but I am finding certain changes in me that r totally new…

As a zoology student…we had lot of dissections in the practicals…and i was proud of the fact i can do all the dissections without any fuss...before lunch...after lunch didn't matter...when most of the girls around me were sceptical about touching the animal to be dissected after the lunch...lest nausea will overpower them....and i could easily see through all the operations they show on the TV….without any dizziness…when I saw dogs or cats or cattle or for that matter humans…run over by passing trucks on the highway…I was OK enough to watch the sight…but these days..i am finding it difficult to remain calm and cool when I witness such sights…I actually feel sick at times…this is a strange thing to happen to me…I thought I am quite tough mentally…is this a part of growing up?

I love collecting books…key chains….coins…stamps…and a lot of other things…suddenly I have found myself wondering why i am doing all this...whats the use...what will happen once i go out of this world..what if these things would leave unattended in my absence then...why these thoughts have started travelling in my mind...i am certainly not old enough to think about 'what after'...

just the other day….we have this girl in the office…who must b around 25/26…but acts like she is a child of no more than 5/6..always irritates me to the core to see her around….but today was her birthday…and her friends in the office threw a party for her on the office terrace …we all were invited…there was cake…candles…caps…masks...balloons....the cake was marked with a candle for age 5...they say that was her mental age…god…how I agree with them…but she was thoroughly enjoying all the attention showered on her…she cut the cake…with we all singing a loud ‘happy birthday’ for her…and then she was smeared with cake all over….and ‘cos she was of age 5…she said she will eat all the cake with her hands sitting right there on the floor..and she did just that…and her friends were equally enthusiastic too….in the end we all got return gifts…a scented eraser just like in school days…in the end she said…’this was one of the best birthday celebrations she ever had in her life…and she was touched beyond words…’…she sounded just like an adult then...and in that moment....i envied her.....is that part of ‘growing up' that I find all this childish…but somewhere deep down I was enjoying the spectacle…celebrating with friends …

I was going to office today…and suddenly a teenager overtook me with frantic speed...he was on kinetic....and almost hit me on the way...i was all geared up and angry...and drove like a fanatic for the next 10 min...and finally caught up with the boy...and eventually overtook him...well...at least i hv something left with me that i can identify with...i felt better....

A friend in need...

A friend in need...
Originally uploaded by neeta_online

I was going to office the other day...when i saw three boys playing on the road...one of them fell down and got hurt in the process...his knee was badly bruised...and he could hardly walk...what these guys did...they took a metal plate lying around on the road...helped their friend on it...and just pulled him from both sides...the trick worked wonderfully well...as the metal plate slided effortlessly along the ground...a friend in need is a friend indeed :)

I watched it thro'out and enjoyed it more....got late to the office in the end...

Taking advantage...

A strange experience….waiting @ the traffic signal on my bike…a boy aged 5/6 approached me…and asked for money...i dislike beggars in general and never entertain these people at any point of time...call me inhuman…so the immediate reaction was to ignore him completely...that i did...but he persisted and kept asking for money....i had no choice but to look at him….i waved him away with the firm 'No'....he waited for a fraction of a second...and took out a cloth from his pocket...and started dusting my bike...continuing with his demand for money....his body language was still the same...that of a beggar..asking for free money...but his eyes betrayed him...they were not begging...they were demanding...as if now it has suddenly become his lawful right....i wondered where to draw that thin line…

Thinking over...

I am sitting in a window with paper in my hand…rain is pouring down the streets of Pune….people are running around for cover….the rain has caught everyone unaware…like always..but then when it pours…it pours….there’s something uniquely strange about the rain…you can feel almost every emotion listening to sound of rain beating down your window panes….’’how r u feeling today…well…ok…fine with me….i will still be with you…’’ and it pours….so....i am sitting with a paper in front of me…and wondering what to write….i hv totally forgotten what I wanted to write in the first place…and the paper is making my job even harder….’cos it has lines …. simply detest these ‘marked’ papers…a blank paper is all I want and a pen..the paper which leaves you totally alone…no you cant even expect support of the lines…….i correlate myself to the painter who has nothing but a canvas with him…and a whole world to draw…or an actor who stands in front of a large audience….the other side waiting to see how you will respond….a knot in the stomach….the paper with the lines suffocate me…it says ….a road is marked for you….now walk on it…do not try to deviate from the set route…that’s how I see it…obligation….monotony…..
well yes…I have remembered….what I wanted to jote down was about getting back to where I belong…job I mean….it feels great….2 years in hiatus hv made me even desperate….and what a job I have….while I am translating machine manuals for a lighting system….someone around me is going thro’ a French medical journal…and debating over choice of words….we even have a Sardar in our office who is translating an English novel into Punjabi….talk about the colleagues….i have almost every language on earth for company…and that’s what make it so special….if at all I opt for a business sometime in future…this is exactly I want to do….a translation firm for all the languages…..it would be a dream come true….

For you...a thousand times over...

I am in daze again....i have just finished watching kite runner...the movie....and that reminded me of my encounter with this book....i warn you...if the novel had broken your heart then...the movie will go even further....it is sure to break you into pieces..

i remember the days when i first came across this book...did not know the author ....i did not know the the title 'kite runner' before...i was utterly surprised to see it listed as 'best seller'.....ok...i mean...this wasn't something i would have chosen as the first choice...story of two boys set in the backdrop of Afghanistan...But once you are into it....the story of Amir and Hassan...told to us thro' amir's eyes and experiences sweeps you off the floor...i remember wanting to put the book down and was completely unable to do so...there was something extraordinary about each character....you couldn't close this book midway...just like that...Khalid Hossaini manages to keep you hooked...even makes you feel as if you are right there...in the land of Kabul along with those two boys...it was a story about sin, suffering, sacrifice and friendship....enough to keep me engrossed....and moist eyed...yes...

After 3 years....i have watched the movie...when you had so much from the read version....you tend to expect even more from the reel version of it...and astonishingly it does a creditable job.....of course the book is way ahead....but i did not watch it as comparison....and once you do that...its a work of art...the personalities...the protagonists...who linger in your mind when you read a book now gets a live face...and thats when you know you can not escape the phenomenon called kite runner again...it will touch you in a way you cant imagine and wont let you go at least a week afterwards.....

P.S. 'm absolutely in love with this phrase..''for you... a thousand times over....''

Agony...

Yesterday I met an old colleague of mine after almost a year….we sort of ran into each other on the road…..last time we met…his wife was carrying and the baby was due in ¾ months….

so naturally the easiest question to carry forward the conversation was ‘how’s your son/daughter…how old is he/she’…suddenly I saw drastic change of expression on his face…agony written all over...and he replied in barely audible voice…’no…we lost our baby in the 1^st month itself…it was a boy…’….I didn’t know where to look and I cursed myself at least thousand times…I made him relive his ordeal…..

i mean most of the times I forgot to ask the questions that are there to be asked….and ‘m hopeless in following socially acceptable norms…so in every probability I wouldn’t have asked the question at any other time…but it was not to be…his silence thereafter made me feel even more guilty.

I was left wondering what’s tougher…the tears you held back so defiantly lest u will be called a weakling or the tears you just let out easily….crying as & when want to does take lots of guts….i tell you…